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dRAgONgiRl424
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Name: Melissa
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Bay Area
Birthday: 3/10/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: I dunno IM me and i'll tell u :: dragongirl424 (actually there's just TOO MANY to name)
Expertise: Uhh
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
4/17/2003
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As i sit here at 2 am... i think, "what am i doing?" i just finished a project for school... i admit, it looks good. but i'm not satisfied. i don't know why i do it... why i put in all the effort. I'm happy, but yet so depressed.i see my peers around me becoming independent, soon to experience "REAL" college life. and then i look at myself... at home. work. i don't go out, i don't have fun....
it's like... i don't have friends.
"but melissa, you have plenty of friends!"
aquaintences maybe, but friends... few. friends are the people who see you and can tell if something's wrong, and when that happens they put forth the effort 2 comfort you. friends are those who WANT to talk to you, to see you... not those who could go either way. friends are those who can't imagine anything but staying in the friendship for life.....
now tell me, how many friends does anyone have?
i'm very lucky to have the people i have around me. the people who keep me sane when i think my family is about 2 make me rip myself apart. those who remember... the good and of course the bad. to all those thank you.
which brings me back to my original question: why do it? why cry to sleep because you work and work and in turn feel isolated? why strive to be the best when everyone else only has to think of what kind of fun they should have next? why work so hard to show everyone that you do have determination... you do have goals... you are actually good at something?
why sacrifice personal happiness?
it's because of the people who love me, who give me strength. it's for the people who i want to care or just give a damn, so i may be recognized. it's for the people who feel the same way... who cry the same tears.
thank you to everyone who has supported me... you few real friends... you mean the world and i owe you my life.
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| Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just began to form
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking, feeling
Spin me around again
And rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets
A mess with people
Would stop to hold
Their heads heavy
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life
Hide and Seek
Trains and sewing machines (you won't catch me around here)
Blood and Tears
They were here first
Hmm, what'd you say, mmm, that you only meant well?
Well, of course you did.
Hmm, what'd you say? mmm, that it's all for the best?
Of course it is.
Hmm, what'd you say? mmm, that it's just what we need
You decided this?
Hmm, what'd you say, mmm, what did she say?
i love this song. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap.
thing'll b ok. i just need 2 stop thinking and let go... focus mel, focus. | | |
| When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. - Henri Nouwen
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. - M. Scott Peck
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. - Rainer Maria Rilke
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. - Tom Peters | | |
| CARLMONT AAC XANGA.
for those of u who are BEHIND... you need 2 subscribe there.
ALSO, CARLMONT AAC MYSPACE. u can join the myspace too ^_^ just in case u check one and dont usually check the other.... yeaap.
oh, and after u join, tell all your buddies too. haha ^_^ | | |
| got this from a myspace bulletin...
Redneck--
1] Do you believe the south will rise again? no..
2] Do you drive a four-wheel drive automobile? no, but i wish i did! i love suvs!... X[
3] Do you live in a mobile home? no
4] Is your car still primer gray? nope
5] Do you like country music? yaaa
6] Do you have a broken car in your back yard? nope
7] Do you own a cowboy hat? no
8] Do you live on more then 2 acres? i dont think so...
9] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home? nope
Total YES: 1
-Goth--
1] Do you wear black eyeliner?: yea..
2] Is most of your clothing dark?: um, like half?
3] Do you think about death often? kinda.. but not.
4] Do you want to die?: not right now no >_<
5] Are you a social outcast?: no
6] Are you pale?: by my standards, yes. in reality, eh, not really.
7] Do you like Hot Topic?: for some stuff
8] Do you enjoy Tim burton movies? not particularly but they're alright
9] Are you nice?: sometimes
Total YES: 3
--Skater Punk--
1] Can you skateboard?: no
2] Do you wear Vans?: no but i used to
3] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends? um... maybe? lol
5] Do you watch the x-games?: no
6] Do you have any piercings?: yea
7] Do you like/wear mohawks? ... ehhhhh
8] Do you wear Band t-shirts: no
Total YES: 1.5
--Prep--
1] Do you say the word "like" a lot?: itz the californian thing to do!... i kinda do.. ok yes.
2] Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: yea
3] Do you pop the collar?: on my polo? no. only on my giants jacket
4] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?: lol no
5] Is the only nerd u like Seth Cowen?: .. who's that???
6] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?: sometimes yeaaa.... but i hate them all. ALLLLL.
7] Do you like pop music: some of it.. ok more than half of it >_<
8] Do you want/have a little dog?: well, yea, but my 1st dog choice is a husky... actually i wouldnt mind a miniature husky! heheeeee
Total YES: 5
--Hippie--
1] Is your hair long?: yes
2] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?: ohhh helllllll no.
3] Do you want peace?: of course. who wouldnt? besides those crazy violence loving people... O_O
4] Do you want to save the animals?: yes! ... >_>
5] Do you think war is unneccesary?: depends on the situation. really. it does.
6] Is love essential in your life?: fer sher
7] Have you smoked pot?: nope and i dont plan on trying it
8] Do you like classic rock and trippy music? some... but not most
Total YES: 4.5
--Gangsta--
1] Do you act ghetto?: i dont think so...
2] Do you wear do-rags?: noo
3] Do you like hip-hop?: OF COURSE
4] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: not the greatest, but he's almost there.
5] Do you believe he's alive?: hahahahaha.. no.. guess not.
6] Do you like afros?: sometimes but usually NO
7] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?: no not the "shizzle" part
8] Do you like to dance?: omg is this even a question? yessssssss!
9] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit: noope.
Total YES: 3.5
--Emo--
1] Do you cry often?: well.. no. but i have my moments.
2] Do you wear hoodies: mmmhmm i love em :)
3] Do you like soft music: watz soft music? like.. music turned down low? orr... ??? o_0 but i like all kinds of music so yes. lol
4] Do people not understand you? well, my parents dont.
5] Do you write your own songs?: nope.. i wish i had that talent
6] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark: hahahahaha yaaa all of those!
7] Do you cut your hair: like, by myself??? nooooooo >_<
8] Are you lonely: only wen i'm actually alone. like, literally alone. 9] Is Ohio for lovers?: wtf
Total : 4
--Surfer--
1]Do you surf?: i've never gone surfing AT ALL
2] Do you wear flip flops all year-round? no not all year-round..
3] Is your hair shaggy?: nope.
4] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?: omg are u joking me. if u dont no the answer to this.
5] Do you own any pairs of shorts?: ... duhh ...
6] Are you tanned?: lol no not really.
8] Do you want to be at the beach right now?: depends i guess... who who and wich one :D
9] Do you hate tourists? not ALL... but eh some.
Total YES: 2
--Geek--
1] Do you wear glasses: yea. well, contacts now.
2] Do you get good grades? yea... for the most part hehe
3] Do you use an inhaler?: wow ok, i used to have one but it wasnt like, a constant thing! it was just wen i ran in cold weather and i only used it ONCE
4] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets? no
5] Does your mom pick out your clothes? NO
5] Are you on the computer often?: haha yea but who ISNT these days
6] Do you ever get picked on?: no
7] Do you look forward to school?: sometimes... but usually no.
8] Are you shy around the opposite sex?: nahh... they're just people.
9] Do you have braces?: i used to but i got em off 4 years ago XP
Total YES:4
SOOO... i guess this is me:
1. Prep
2. Hippie (ohhh myy...)
3. Geek / Emo (hahahaha does that even make sense??)
4. Gangsta (G is for Gangsta.)
5. Goth
6. Surfer (it's cuz i live in Californa. thatz all.)
7. Skater Punk
8. Redneck
haha... interesting. | | |
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